Greetings!

For this week’s Stuttering Spotlight I would like to introduce my very good friend Ajay:

Hi, I am Ajay Khatri Chhetri. I am from Nepal. I am a Computer Engineering student. I have been working in the stuttering community for around a year now. My goal is to spread the word about stuttering and make people aware of it. I am a co-founder of a community in Nepal named "PWS Nepal" and we work to listen, share and solve the problems of a PWS through any means. I also like making films and recently I made a short film on stuttering depicting how stuttering affects the smallest aspects of life.

Ajay chose to answer this question for his blog post: "How did your stutter change your life?” He writes:

Imagine being asked a question. Now you know exactly how to answer it. The answer is in your head. Suddenly your voice falters. You are unable to utter a single word. Your breathing ceases, leaving you speechless. I live with this every single day.

It all started back in 2010. I was a very active kid who was interested in reciting poems, singing songs basically performing in front of a huge mass. As far I remember, I used to sing songs, recite poems and take part in quiz competitions before I had a stutter.

Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with ‘epilepsy’ which was caused due to Neurocysticercosis. There was a worm inside my brain and was about to lay eggs. I clearly don’t remember this but it was something like that. Then, I was given medicines and I was supposed to have them for 2 years. Every day, an alarm used to go off and I used to take my medicine. After a few months, my parents decided to take me to the biggest neurological hospital of Nepal in Kathmandu. After we went there, we got to know that since epilepsy was not recurring in my case, the medicine wasn’t necessary. But, at that time I had already started the dose so, I had to complete the dose.

Now here comes the climax. I was in grade 6, after 2 years of completing the dose, I started having a stutter as a side effect of the medicine. Back then I used to get stuck in some of the letters like A, P, H, etc. It was too minor to be noticed. I sometimes used to stutter a little while saying my name, school’s name but it was not that noticeable. Gradually, my struggling letters kept increasing and I started stuttering even more. Till I was in grade 8, my stutter came to the maximum level. And with that, came a huge downfall in my social skills, social communication and participation. I completely changed from “extrovert” to “introvert”.

After that, I never tried to show up but rather always waited to be noticed. Even though, I knew I could do things, I never tried to standup and do that thing but always kept myself far from any social interaction that required ‘voice’ or ‘talk’. I had a hard time talking to my teachers, asking doubts, speaking in front of a class, read out loud and everything. I wasn’t even comfortable to talk to my parents and my friends.

Stuttering made speaking, which used to be an easy task, a challenge. I, who loved to be heard, became mute. Since then, though I have been having few improvements, it’s the same struggle I go through every time I open my mouth to say even a single word. Things have now changed a little bit. I found fellow PWSs (Person Who Stutter) around the world which has given me some courage so that I am being able to accept my stutter and be free to flaunt my stutter where ever I go without any fear. I also found some PWSs in my country Nepal and we formed an online community name ‘PWS NEPAL’ where we communicate share, listen and try to solve each other’s problem regarding stutter. Also, I have been working with ‘Myspeech’ [a platform which offers people who stutter connections with speech therapists] for a while now and it has been a great experience working with PWSs worldwide.

Despite all the things I have been able to do in the world of stuttering, I still feel nervous talking to a new person or speaking in front of a mass or meeting anyone who is new to me. Stuttering has also lowered my confidence a little bit. I get afraid in taking the initiatives sometimes. I sometimes have breakdowns, but I always try to motivate myself and work on getting better each day. Even though it was a hard time and hurdles were numerous, I still managed to learn from my stutter and become a stronger person. My sole concern now is the destination I was able to reach despite my arduous journey.

If you are someone who stutters, don’t ever underestimate yourself and don’t let anyone do that. You are enough the way you are. You don’t need to fix anything. You are perfect the way you are. Take the challenges you always wanted to take. Go out and explore yourself and let your voice be heard.

Remember this,

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

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